i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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