I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
