I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
