nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
