Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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