if you like me you must not know who I am
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
