Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
