I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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