If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
