i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
