rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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