Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
