yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
...so i touched it.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
