so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
