I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
