Kareoke will never be a sober sport
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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