garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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