i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
