apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
