A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
