Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
