If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
