At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
