i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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