Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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