OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
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