At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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