In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
