You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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