It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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