I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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