Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
