Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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