Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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