i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
