Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just want to make out with him forever
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