i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
