Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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