3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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