oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Randomize
