ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
