Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
