just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
