He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
