Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
