I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
