I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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