If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
