True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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