Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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