Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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