oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
