Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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